Gratitude in the absence of hardship
Can we strive for a mindset often held in those who have experienced great difficulty?
Image by KARI PERRI
This week I have decided to touch base on the popular topic of gratitude. I need not go into great detail to explain the term, as we are all familiar with the basis for what it means at this point - being grateful for aspects of your life.
Gratitude can often feel like a buzzword phrase, used by those sat behind Instagram accounts looking to maximise views on their website. It seems to have gained a reputation as one of the cheesy, cliché words used by middle aged mums who have been fooled into spending £500 on an ‘aura-restoring’ face cream. Perhaps you may not have these associations with gratitude yet - which is certainly a good thing.
This slightly cheesy reputation it has developed is a shame, because it is actually one of the most researched aspects of positive human psychology. Interestingly, gratitude has been shown to uniquely predict satisfaction with life (1). What’s even more interesting about this, as part of a study by Wood and colleagues across Universities in England, is that their research showed gratitude held “incremental validity above the facets and domains of the Big Five”.
What the bloody hell does that actually mean? Good question. For those of you who prefer to speak like normal human beings and not in the language of professors and researchers, Wood’s study showed that even when you account for extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism - a.k.a ‘The Big 5’ main traits that cover the majority of personalities held in humans - gratitude still upheld it’s significance in determining satisfaction with life.
Not only held it’s significance, but it appeared to correlate with the ‘facets’ of the Big Five (i.e. the important aspects) that are linked with well-being and social functioning. This really highlights how important gratitude is in our quest for happiness, with wellbeing and social functioning being influential factors to overall happiness. Some research has shown that even our ability to be self-expressive or say no in social settings, leads to a higher perception of happiness (2).
Of course, with all research, it’s important to note it’s flaws and limitations - hence the term appeared to correlate. And unfortunately, it’s important to note that roughly 73% of the participants in this study by Woods and his colleagues were white - thus severely limiting it’s application to a broader spectrum of ethnicities, particularly when we consider the significant impact of social injustice and racism on specific individuals related to their ethnicity or race, which is known to correlate with levels of perceived happiness (3).
With this being said, Wood’s study is one of thousands of research papers on the practice of gratitude, demonstrating a positive association with happiness, satisfaction with life and social functioning. So we can be quite confident that gratitude plays an important part in our overall happiness, albeit it’s true extent, we do not really know.
So why are we not all more grateful for every aspect of our life? Why is the rushing commuter pushing past me on the way to the tube, not beaming from ear to ear because he is fully-immersed in an appreciation of the morning song birds? (To be honest this is more likely because of the heavy noise pollution in London than a lack of gratitude, but we’ll gloss over this aspect in this imaginary scenario).
Well, part of the answer is that not all of us are actively practicing gratitude. Unfortunately, it is a skill, and not one that can be mastered instantly. We are still learning about gratitude from a scientific perspective, and while we do not have all the answers on how to perfectly embed it into our daily lives, tools such as Gratitude Journaling or The Six Minute Journal are well supported by research (4).
The other part of the answer, is that many of us do not know how good we have it. We are so swept up in our lives, by social media, by getting that promotion, by achieving that financial goal, by getting married, having babies, going to fancy restaurants - that we often do not stop to appreciate all of the amazing things that are happening in our lives right now. Of course, some of us are less fortunate and do not have access to a tangible promotion, or the chance to get married and have babies, or financial stability. But the great thing about gratitude is that it is not specific to external materials or goods - in reality, we would want gratitude to take the form of simple intangible things, like the glaze of the sun or the trickling of the rain on a glass roof.
What started to pique my interest in this topic, however, is the impressive yet saddening capacity for people who have experienced significant hardship, to successfully immerse themselves in daily gratitude. Unfortunately, I am sure we all know of someone who has been through hardship or trauma in their lives. This could be through losing a loved one early in life, a cancer diagnosis, losing their job or housing, or anything that has a monumental impact on their lives. It may be worth noting here that the aforementioned are not directly comparable, and everyone is affected by trauma in different ways. I am of course not a trauma or grief expert, and I will thus, leave it at that.
Yet what I do know, as I’m sure others do, is that hardship is often finite, and it does come to an end. I am extremely fortunate to not have an example of this myself, and so I can only propose some predicted situations. What I have done though, is spoken to people who have endured hardship, as have many researchers, and one of the consistent themes that follows their survival of hardship, is the significant change of mindset. The challenging period they have faced is a catalyst for altered perspectives. It is not uncommon for cancer survivors to hold a ‘new outlook on life’ following a successful period of chemotherapy (5).
Importantly, it is not an instant gold-plated road to a life of eternal happiness for cancer survivors, as there are many negative emotions associated with beating the condition (6). Their emotional responses to survival are complex, layered with serious physical, social, and psychological challenges, of which I cannot comprehend nor dutifully explain. Despite my shortcomings in knowledge of this topic, we do know from the research surrounding cancer survivors, or those who have endured other hardships, that a greater sense of appreciation for the smaller things, a re-evaluation of priorities to reflect what truly matters, or a less-hesitant and more spontaneous outlook, are common insights and feelings that occur (7).
The reflection that came to my mind after pondering this topic for a few weeks, alongside reading books on time and control, was that it is such a shame that we have to sometimes endure terrible trauma in order to elicit these positive outlooks on life. Of course, this is no comment on cancer-survivors or anyone who has dealt with significant trauma whatsoever, more a comment on those who have not endured hardship.
There can be some great takeaways from the insights of these people. I’m confident, although I could never be sure, that many of these individuals would gladly agree that starting this mindset earlier in life would make them happier. I’m confident many of them would wish to have this new lens bestowed upon them earlier. I’m also confident though, that the vast majority of them would throw away the chance for an altered outlook on life, if they could avoid enduring the hardship they faced. Perhaps some may not. Perhaps some may see it as a blessing to have endured the hardship which elicits a new perspective on life.
Takeaway
My overarching point then, or question I pose to myself or anyone I know, is:
“Can we strive for this new found lease on life, altered perspective or appreciation for the small things, often seen in those who have suffered trauma or hardship, in it’s absence?
Could it be possible to consider what lens we would have if we endured trauma or hardship, and to try to replicate this day-to-day? Might we spend time talking to people who have endured hardship and survived, as someone who has been fortunate enough to avoid it, to understand how lucky we are?
Do we have to wait for the possibility of enduring trauma or hardship, to change how we view the world? Could we use the principles of gratitude, or the finitude of life (see Productivity is a Myth), to facilitate a ‘this is it, so I might as well live it’ mentality for life? If you are someone lucky enough to not have experienced trauma or hardship, do you not owe it to those in the world who have, to not take life for granted and appreciate what you have already?
Do not wait for trauma or hardship to stimulate your new lease for life. Show gratitude, appreciate what you have, and swim in the pool of life knowing how lucky you are to be surrounded by the water.