Health takes time
One of the most impactful and significant lessons I have learned over the last few years of growing up is that the things that are good for me overall, do not make me feel any real change at the time of doing them.
I used to believe that actions, habits or activities that were good for my health must provide me with a feeling of ‘healthiness’ upon completion. If an action did not fulfil this requirement, which many of them did not, then I believed it surely could not be healthy for me. Perhaps I based this notion off of exercise, perhaps the main caveat to this rule. Growing up exercise mad, I was very familiar with the physiological boost one gets following a bout of exercise.
We are all aware of the ‘runner’s high’, and while most of the time running for me gives me a ‘runner’s I-can’t-breathe-and-my-legs-feel-like-lead high’, I certainly do feel close to cloud nine after completing effectively any other form of exercise. Thus, with this rule strictly wired into my soul, I felt that I must get a ‘high’ from things like meditation, mindfulness, gratitude practice, yoga, emotional reflection and so on.
So, in my early years of practicing the above, I had a really hard time trying to implement these into my normal routine - and I still do struggle at points - because they weren’t giving my brain this instant hit of ‘fuck yeah I’m getting healthier’. This is largely because I had conditioned my brain into the world of instant gratification from drinking, social media and the like.
When you are conditioned into this routine, your brain is constantly on the look-out for another hit of feel-good. When it comes down to deciding between an often challenging 15 minutes of meditation that frequently left me feeling particularly indifferent, versus a short walk to the pub for a pint with an instant tingling feel-good reward in the same or less time, it was a ‘no brainer’ for me.
Why would my brain want to work hard and not reap any of the benefits, when it could just tell me to log on to Instagram and get some interesting gossip or pretty colours in my face? All of this was happening in the background of my subconscious, and I suspect my insecurities played a part in keeping it in the back of my mind, rather than bringing it to the front to address.
It’s much easier to ignore any challenging self conflicts you have, particularly given how easy it is to access a hit of dopamine in our current culture. Addressing these self conflicts and bringing them into the limelight is really challenging, and if you’re not in a stable position to begin that process, you will subconsciously keep them buried. That’s definitely what I found - a deep part of me knew my routine wasn’t actually good for my health, but I had lulled myself into a false sense of security in that because I was occasionally feeling good, everything was ok.
The big change for me arrived when I finally decided to work myself into a position of stability, which actually had nothing to do with the actions and activities I had associated with health like exercise, yoga, meditation and so on. The majority of the change came from me bringing my internal self-conflicts into the limelight, like dragging a kidnapped baddy in a mafia movie under the intense lamp in a dingy basement to interrogate.
Interrogating and challenging my beliefs, perceptions, emotions and values in this manner enabled me to filter out which aspects were actually meaningful to me and contributed to who I was. Further, it enabled me to filter which aspects contributed to the false sense of security I had developed, and were therefore a detriment to me becoming healthier. It was quite a tough process and it was effectively the opposite of a small hit of dopamine. It took some convincing and persistence for my brain to carry out the process as it’s deep rooted wiring wanted to fall back on the easy option and live in a world of short lived wins.
The overall process however was an enormous long lived win, and I haven’t looked back since. I now have a greater appreciation for my health and what it is I need to do to maintain it. Once I found myself in a position of stability, I was able to persevere with the activities that were not based on instant gratification, and I was able to see my bigger picture.
I still find it hard at times to follow my healthy habits, and I find I need to remind myself that these habits are not designed to make me feel good straight away. I know now that these habits, when completed consistently and for the right reasons, can make me feel infinitely better than any short-fuelled dopamine spike. I have learned that deep down, I have an easy access into the appreciation of life and accessing a sense of peace and calm. However, aspects that fill my life take me away from being able to access this state.
A busy work life, the rise of living costs, social pressures, emotional challenges, insecurities and pretty much every form of commuting in London drags my brain towards relying on short wins of instant gratification to feel better. So, I now view my healthy habits not as actions to make me feel good in the moment, rather as anchors to bring me back to who I am and the state of calm I know I have worked hard to build. They battle against all of the metaphorical currents trying to drag me into a certain lifestyle and mindset that I know is not good for me in the long run.
My brain tends to work in a logic-only state which is both extremely useful and extremely annoying. To make life easier for myself, I often view these battles of health as simple calculations. I know for certainty that abstaining from alcohol for 3 weeks creates a greater value of health than any small sessions of drinking ever could, even though each value of abstaining from alcohol does not feel as good as each session of drinking.
The key really is the bigger picture and how my health is in the long run. Ultimately, I will have accumulated a greater sense of health if I persevere and stick to my healthy habits. The best thing about this mindset is that this perseverance has a snowball effect on my health, rather than the constant ups and downs of chasing dopamine hits. If I am focused and I stay strict on my healthy habits, my general health increases exponentially with the more time I remain on track. Furthermore, my ability to draw myself and importantly remain in a state of calm and stability grows stronger, making it harder for the challenges in my life to drag me away.
Overall, it is worth remembering that some of the things we do to improve our health will not make us feel any real difference in the moment. Our health is something that needs to be monitored and nurtured over time, and seeking quick fixes or easy wins will not generate the long term stability we are after. Health takes time to build, but the end result is incomparable.