How your identity shapes your habits
There has been a short gap in my weekly postings over the last fortnight unfortunately. Largely, this has been due to a hectic period at work. I've managed to keep my head above the water which is always a good sign, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't challenging.
One of the reasons I’ve managed to keep my head above water is my persistence with my “good habits”. I've written about the benefits of sticking to habits prior, and it will come as no surprise to anyone reading that good habits make life a hell of a lot easier.
But unfortunately, creating good habits it's not quite as simple as “just doing them”. How do we generate these habits that will actually stick? How do we ensure these habits don't drop off after a few weeks of elevated motivation that eventually crashes and burns?
Well, alongside a lot of other human psychology and behaviour research, is a wonderfully simple 3 circle diagram, or 3 layered approach. On our outer layer, we have the “outcome”: i.e. I want to write more. The middle layer is the “process”: i.e. the blocked out time on a Monday evening, phone locked away, pot of coffee to facilitate. Finally, the inner layer is the driving force, the “identity”.
Similarly to Simon Sinek's “start with why” approach for building purpose in life, it can be useful to follow this pattern and “start with who”. So often, and I am suspect number #1 for this, do we focus on the “outcome” of behaviour change. I want to write more, therefore I need to make sure I write. The more I force myself to write, the more I can embed this habit into my daily life.
Alas, along with thousands of other examples, this always fails me. It sometimes lasts a bit longer - if I'm particularly well rested and focused, I can continually repeat this motto in my head and sustain the consistency for a prolonged period. Yet, eventually, the habit slowly slips away and I lose track of the outcome I was following.
The same goes for healthy eating, exercising, quitting smoking; whatever example you want to use, the end result is more often than not the same, if we only focus on the “outcome” of the habit. This is where we then need to flip the layered approach and start from within the circle.
Let's take an example of someone who is always persistent with their exercise. I'm sure we can all picture this person: they are always religious with their exercising, their healthy habits, and they very rarely miss an opportunity to work on their fitness. They cycle to work, run 3 times a week, complete tough mudders at the weekend and take the stairs at any opportunity.
Now, I'm sure this person has some good routines. There are some factors that must be in place in order to sustain these habits, e.g. a suitable job, family situation etc. Yet is that the only thing that enables them to sustain these habits? Of course not.
However, do you think this person always focuses on the “outcome” of their habit? Do they have to spend 5 minutes each morning slapping their face to motivate them to go for their one of 3, 15 mile runs? Unlikely.
What is more likely, is that this person has exercise as part of their identity. They are focused on the “who” of what their habits are leading towards. They want to be someone that is healthy, someone that regularly exercises, and even an “athlete”.
A common response from these people when posed with the question of “How on earth do you managed to do all of this?” isn't “Oh it's really hard - I spend 10 minutes each morning locked in a dark room slapping myself for motivation”.
No, rather their response is usually “I don't know really, I just do it”, or, “I find it easy” (which is usually followed by a look of disgust and disapproving grunt or eye roll from the questioner). Furthermore, this person doesn't even need to focus on the “process” of what they're doing. They don't meticulously plan out their running route the night before. They don't hang their running shoes from the doorway so they are dangling in their face upon first waking.
Of course, they will have aspects of their routine that make these exercise habits easier. They are likely to follow the approach of making their habits easy - their running shoes will be close to the door rather than down in the basement. But this isn't the sole thing that's driving their habit.
The reason these people are able to sustain these habits, week in and week out, is not because of the superiority of their habits, nor a perfect routine, but rather these habits are a part of their identity. These people are exercisers. These people are athletes. Not in a professional sense, but they view themselves as athletes. Exercising consistently is a part of who they are, not what they happen to be trying to do at the moment.
So, the next time you’re having difficulty being consistent with a habit - ask yourself whether you are focusing on the habit itself, or the type of person you would become if you stuck with this habit. If you switch your focus to the latter, you may find you have greater success. Part of the reason I was able to keep my head above the water during a hectic period at work was not solely because of my good habits, but because I told myself I wanted to be someone who focused on their work and persevered.
I didn’t focus on the ins-and-outs of my work day routine. I didn’t focus on the processes I was following at work that allowed me to knuckle-down. I focused on the fact I really wanted to be someone who worked hard at work, someone that survived the hard times, someone that persevered when times were a bit tough. Once my mindset had this embedded at it’s core, the habits flowed naturally with ease. I have found that following your identity, or at least an identity you want to achieve, can generate immeasurable increases in your motivation and energy when compared to focusing on the outcomes.
Good habits are important. Processes that allow you to complete those habits are also important. But focusing on the who, the identity these habits can generate, is a path that leads to consistent and sustainable behaviour for good.